Overcoming SPIRITUAL Grief
“And the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife bore to David, and it became ill. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them” 2 Samuel 12:15-17 (NKJV).
Grief is inevitable, just like the storms of life. Grief is often unpredictable in the way that it presents itself. We could have prayed and fasted all we wanted and prepared the best way we knew how, or maybe God may have given us a warning ahead of time. Regardless of the circumstance, grief often shows up in a way we didn’t expect, and as a result, we mourn in unfamiliar ways. Although many of us have experienced grief at the loss of a loved one, there are other ways spiritual grief can manifest. It could be the separation of a friendship or romantic relationship. The loss of a job, relocation or reassignment, the ending of a season, or we can mourn who we were for who we are becoming. Finally, grief presents itself when we lay down what we want for God’s will to be done.
The latter is what I have been experiencing. Last summer, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart. I had already surrendered what I wanted around spring, but when he said I would not complete the school year at my previous job and would relocate to a different city, I got excited. I had an exact picture of what I wanted and thought God would give me what I prayed for. So I prepared. I began packing up things in my small, homey apartment. I cherished moments with my students and co-workers, even when times were challenging. I prayed, fasted, sought wise counsel, and did the work necessary to find a new job. The job that I desired. By the time December came, my heart had become heavy. I didn’t want to leave anymore. I had gotten too comfortable and feared leaving the comfort of stability. For the past three years, I have been in constant transition, from leaving my mom’s house and moving into my apartment, teaching college, becoming a member at a new church, teaching high school, and graduating with my master's. I began to despise change and transition. God would never let me stay in one place for too long.
Nevertheless, I had to choose to obey God or my flesh. After applying and not getting the job I wanted, I wondered if I heard God wrong. But there was one job that I felt God was pulling me towards, and I did not want to go. I stared at that application for a week before I obeyed. I knew it was mine before I passed the interview, but I was in despair. The job was more demanding, and the atmosphere was extremely different from what I used to. Slowly, what I wanted was being replaced by what I didn’t expect. I cried my eyes out on the last day at my previous school. The week before, I had moved out of my apartment and took time to reflect on the years I lived there. I thought I was ready. Yet, my heart remained heavy, and I cried at the most minor things I missed. I grieved the classroom I left and the familiarity of my students with whom I had a great relationship. I wanted nothing to do with what was before me.
God was not angry with me for grieving. He understood. The problem was that I kept looking back. I would curl up in bed without the motivation to move forward. I remained responsible for my current assignments, but my mind, voice, and creativity felt stuck. The Lord showed me the issue was what I lost recently and over the past three years. I didn’t realize how much grief I was struggling with. My appetite had changed, my emotions were everywhere, and stagnancy had become my new normal. These song lyrics came to mind: “Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there. Dust collected on my pinned-up hair. They expected me to find somewhere, Some perspective, but I sat and stared.”
It wasn’t intentional, but grief makes us behave like we wouldn’t otherwise. The Prophet Samuel was completely torn when God told him that the kingdom was taken away from Saul due to disobedience. God said, “Now the Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go; I am sending you to Jesse the Bethlehemite. For I have provided Myself a king among his sons” 1 Samuel 16:1 (NKJV). God was doing something new, but Samuel was stuck on the old and what he envisioned. Like Samuel, I wasn’t just dealing with grief but prolonged grief. Prolonged grief symptoms include:
Tearfulness
Sadness
Insomnia
Emotional numbness
Identity disruption
(National Library of Medicine).
I hadn’t just moved on from jobs over the past three years, but close relationships, some that ended in betrayal and some because of transition. I had lost more than people knew and more than I was willing to share. It weighed me down; this change was just icing on the cake. Samuel mentored Saul and had a close relationship with him. Thus, it was more than challenging to witness Saul’s tragic ending, but if Samuel wanted to be part of a new era with a new king, he would have to take small steps and move on from what was.
Spiritual symptoms may include:
Bitterness
Resentment
Despair
Disappointment
Victim spirit
Stagnancy
The only way to overcome grief is to invite God’s presence. The Word tells us to “put on the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3). In 2 Samuel, David is King, and his disobedience destroys his family. He begs and pleads with God to save his firstborn son. He refuses to eat and weeps, fasts, and prays. Then he gets news: “When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore, David asked his servants, “Is the child dead?” And they said, “He is dead.” So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped” (Verse 19-20).
David knew there was nothing else he could do to change the past; if he wanted to live, he had to move on. We see great examples of disciples, including our Lord and Savior Jesus, who had to overcome grief for God’s perfect will to be done on this earth. Joshua grieved Moses’s death along with the Israelites and had to move on to enter the promised land (Deuteronomy 34). Jesus wept and prayed three times in the Garden of Gethsemane for the bitter cup of death to be passed, but he finally surrendered and said nevertheless (Matthew 26). So we, too, can rise from the ashes of grief and despair and look forward to what God will do.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but it can be done with time and effort. It starts with small steps. The first step Samuel had to take was the one God gave him: to anoint David as the next King. What’s your small step? Mine was writing this blog. I may not be where I want to be, but I am grateful for where I am and what God is doing through me. I know that sometimes we would rather run from the places and people we are called to, but it’s in those places that we make the most impact. Although it’s been two months at my current school, the kids love me. (They’d never admit it, though. At least a good 85% lol). Also, my administrators have expressed their gratitude and appreciation for the changes I’ve already made in such a short time.
Some days, I got it, and some days, I don’t, and that’s fine because it’s okay to not be okay (KDrama fans, iykyk). My advice is to be honest about where you are and intentional about healing. Remember, small or baby steps until you no longer have to crawl.
I’m praying for you, beautiful!
Be Encouraged,
Love Monica.
